


Time for letting go

by Kaydalen



Series: Kind des Universums - Child of the Universe [1]
Category: Mass Effect, Mass Effect - All Media Types, Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: Angst and Tragedy, Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, Flashbacks, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-04-28 19:53:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,728
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14456556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kaydalen/pseuds/Kaydalen
Summary: Shepard and Liara are lightyears apart, both waging their own war with memories and emotions, while dealing with the Reaper's aftermath as well. Unable to be close, their souls ache to embrace each other, whatever the cost, whatever the circumstances and the condition of their phsycial forms.(Part zero of the "Child of the Universe" series)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> An old fic I used to be very proud of. Now it's being translated and remastered. I still like it a lot. It's kinda angsty tho.

The Normandys systems were ready to shift to FTL speed, even if the crew wasn't. The world outside the hull blurred and went dark. As red as blood just a few seconds ago, like the stars were bleeding and dying and then nothing.  
The sounds were gone, the Citadel was gone. They were all gone. They left everyone, who survived, behind.  
They left Shepard behind.  
A split second and they were light years away, the drive core stuttered and howeled in agony, clearly damaged. The engineeres feared it would just stop functioning, that time and space would consume ship and crew whole.  
But it didn't happen. Even if part of Liara secretly wished it would.  
She had stopped trying to wiggle free of Ashleys grip long ago. Her eyes watered, her throat was dry and it was hard for her to keep her composure. To keep being the Shadow Broker she was supposed to be. At all times.  
Just as Liara was about to speak her mind, the warped and twisted matter spit them out, dropped the ship off in a yet unknown sector of space and the Asari watched Jokers fingers dance frantically over the Normandys interface, clearly ignoring the dozens of warnings glowing in front of him, above him, shoving it in his face that something was wrong, that something was not right.  
EDIs lifeless body sat in her seat beside him, head dropped to her chest, her systems down.  
She was gone. Just as Shepard was.  
Someone who had saved the galaxy countless times, while it didn't even make an effort to keep her from falling, from failing, in return. To spare her from the biggest sacrifice this damn war and their reapers had demanded.  
The sacrifice Liara had always feared.

„I'm sorry, Liara.“

Liara could hear Jokers words, but it wasn't something she wanted to hear. Gently she brushed Ashleys fingers off her arm and this time she didn't make an effort to stop her. It was over, there was nothing she could do anymore.  
Just a few minutes ago the Shadow Broker had cried and trembled, her biotics had got the better of her. They had flared up and embraced her form, made her feel invincible and just about ready to take the next shuttle and join in the fight her Commander had to face alone.  
She had earned it to witness what she had accomplished.  
But now it was too late.  
And the guilt was overwhelming.

Liara felt heavy, nothing was left of her earlier outburst. And now her whole body and mind was just ready to collapse at the spot.

„Save it.“

The Asari spit out the words through gritted teeth, while commchatter flooded all of the Normandys communication channels, as more and more ships arrived in various other sectors of space, wherever their auto pilot had decided to drop them off after their captains had them shifted to FTL in panic, didn't care where they ended up, as long as it wasn't the Sol System anymore, where all hell had found it's beginning and now supposedly it's end.  
Countless voices, cheering and calling for their fellow soldiers, reminding them how it was finally over, that they had won, that the galaxy had triumphed over this race as old as organic existence itself. But at the same time concerns were voiced, quiet, as the relief weight much more right now, but about to be much louder later. Concerns about the fall and destruction of the citadel and the collapsing of the mass relays, of civilisation as they had known it.  
But one emotion could be heard, made out, aloud and clear;  
Relief.  
As much as Liara wanted to join in, as much as the relief pounded in the back of her mind as well, she couldn't.  
She clenched her fists and left the bridge and the noisy commchatter behind her, as she limped towards the elavator, fighting with her own aggressive storm of emotions about to sweep her off her feet.  
None of them had even mentioned Shepard with one word. No one seemed to realized that the whole galaxy had started this final assault as a unit, but a single person had had to do the hard lifting at the end and give the Reapers the final push over the edge.  
If the Commander hadn't reached the beam and if she hadn't done .. whatever she had done, whatever had happened .. She wasn't here.  
The war would have been lost without her.

 _„I'm alright, Shepard ..“_  
_„Don't argue with me, Liara.“_  
_„You are not leaving me behind.“_  
_„Whatever happens; You mean everything to me, Liara. You always will.“_  
_„Maeve, I .. I am yours.“_

Liara recognized how members of the crew were passing her, running, limping, stumbling towards the bridge, to hear and see what was happening, to let their minds wander to anything else but war and death and destruction.  
Her body felt heavy, she barely managed to keep going and the elevator arrived just in time for her to reach the wall to support her and she tried to block everything out until she had reached Shepards cabin.  
Everything was how the Commander had left it. The model ships, her dirty coffee cups, broken and not quite fixed gun mods, a table cluttered with tools and dirt and crumps of food she had been eating while working on reports. Liara thought she could see her. A pale hallucination embraced by the soothing light of the fish tank, watching it's prisoners, turning her head as the Asari entered the room.  
„Liara.“  
The Asari sucked the air through her teeth and dropped to the floor, a bundle of nerves overwhelmed by her emotions, her grief. It was like being dropped back from dream to reality. Tears flooded her eyes and as she wheeped all the other feelings were catching up with her, the fear, the anger – the pain, it's origin a nasty wound which was setting her womb on fire as she cramped. It was like an anesthesia wearing off and she could feel everything.

 _„If we're going to try this, I need to know you're always coming back.“_  
_„I don't know. That's a pretty big promise to make.“_  
_„Oh, is it?“_  
_„I'd have to have something special to come back to.“_  
_„I'm open for suggestions.“_

„You promised me, Shepard“, Liara gasped as tears streamed down her face. She couldn't help but remember two years of mourning, two years of living a whole new life, two years that had changed her as a person so much and she feared that it could happen again.  
She didn't want to cry in front of the others, but now where she was all by herself, surrounded by memories of her bondmate, as she was just about to walk in through the door at every moment, she couldn't help herself. Waves of emotions crashed right above her head.

  
Despite her promise Liara couldn't blame Shepard for what she did.

  
In secret she blamed the Alliance and the Council and everyone else who had doubted the Commander and her warnings for years, only to cower behind her brought shoulders when the Reapers pounded and broke down their borders with brutal force. They probably had hoped the Hero of the Citadel, the slayer of the Collectors would save them one more time. And she had done it. But at what cost?  
Shepard had been so tired. So exhausted. Liara remembered talking to her about it countless times during those rare quiet moments in her quarters. She had felt like cannon fodder, her Spectre status more an excuse for her to do the heavy lifting than a reward for her accomplishments, her bravery and her strength.  
Liara remembered how the Commander just wanted to escape sometimes, escape the war, the military, everything. She had seen war and destruction since she had been a small child, the Asari always reminded of their first meeting when their eyes met and when she could see the glimmer, the shine, the determination.  
When Liara had cowered in fear on Therum while Shepard fought and beat a Krogan Battlemaster to keep her safe, she had sworn herself to wield her biotics, her gun and her mind good enough to back this brave woman up in return.  
After all her efforts she had cowered again on Illium years later as Shepard was literally wrestling the former Shadow Broker, a massive and terrifying species, to help out her bondmate. Liara had sworn herself to use all this new Intel to support the Commander as much as possible, had worked day and night, even traded the time to eat and sleep.  
But in the end she had had to give up. When she got hurt while following the Commander on London into hell itself, she had to step down and let Shepard guide her with her so strong and gentle arms back to the Normandy. Just to keep her safe.  
For years Liara had tried to change, to adapt, to compliment Shepards strengths and balance out her weaknesses. To become someone her bondmate could rely and count on and be proud of. She even had traded parts of her personality and still ..  
In the end she had forgotten and ignored Shepards personal needs in her endless shaping of herself, her search for perfection.  
Again the door to the Captains cabin opened, but Liara was already far gone. Far away from the Normandy her mind wandered, lost in memories and emotions in a form too complex for another than an Asari to comprehend. Fled from the emotional and physical pain, as her body became weaker. Her energy drained by a wound she had refused anyone to tend to.

  
Blood painted the floor.

  
Liara had closed her eyes, her eyelids fluttering, dry lips sucking in the air, was watching picture after picture, not noticing how James and other Crew members were fussing over her seemingly lifeless body.  
Her mother, her father, her friends she had made along the way. She could see them all in her mind.  
And Shepard. Shepard buried by a mount of rubble, her purple eyes barely open, desperately grasping for air, calling for help. Her armor was burned and melted and deformed, one of her arms strained in a manner that couldn't possibly be healthy and the left side of her body impaled by a thin broken piece of debris.  
The lightning was bad, her environment blurred, it was hard to make out the location.  
Blood painted her face, her arms, her neck, spurted out of her mouth, but she didn't even seem to realize it.  
_Shepard._  
The Commanders eyes opened further, startled, and they started to dart across her environment as she was looking for something. Someone. Like she had heard her.  
But that couldn't be.  
Shepards lips formed words. No, just one. One word. Over and over again, louder and clearer with every try. Her arm that was still able to support her struggled to get her into a better position, to maybe break free.  
_Liara._

**Embrace Eternity.**


	2. Chapter 2

„Liara .. Liara ..“

Over and over again Shepard gasped her name, her mouth dry, her throat burning. Reminding herself why she was desperately trying to move her bloody and broken body to escape gave her strength.  
Why she was ignoring her pain, that crashed right above her like waves during a hurricane, pushed all the air out of her lungs and made her head spin.  
Cautiously her healthy arm groped for the pitiful remnant of debris that had pierced her left side, plastered with blood and dirt and ash. It hurt like hell, like she was on fire, but at the same time if she would try to escape it, all the blood would spurt out of the wound and she would bleed to death.  
So it was hard to decide to call herself lucky or unfortunate in this situation.  
„I have .. to get out of here“, Maeve Shepard called out in the emptiness of the room where no one could hear her anyway, but the sound of her own voice had a strangely calming effect. She wasn't dead. Not yet. No, she had emerged victorious out of the fight with the Reapers and again just carried scars to remind her of it. Pretty big scars this time, to be fair.  
The Commander darted her eyes back and forth, scanned her environment visually as well as with her Omnitool, which she had to activate with her quivering voice, choking with pain.  
It wasn't much left of the Citadel tower, she couldn't even make out the structures anymore. All there was was mountains of rubble, broken tech, tiredly spurting sparks of electricity and organic remains. And she was right in the middle of it.  
At some point her situation reminded her of her last stand against Saren, how she had fought him right here at this place and got nearly crushed to death by remains of Sovereign. Back then she had survived the encounter, this time she wasn't so sure.  
Stars were shining far above her head and that she was still able to breath was a miracle. Either the Citadels barriers hadn't taken any significant damage or the Keepers were already busy with repairing the most important systems of the station, even if the war couldn't have been over for more than just a few hours. They had to be determined to make sure the citizens could come back and live on the Citadel again as soon as possible.

Even they hadn't given up.

Maybe Shepard wasn't alone here. Maybe the explosion hadn't effected the entire station, she couldn't tell, but the Citadel was massive, so there was a slight chance.  
At some point someone had to come, to check out the severity of the damage. At some point someone had to find her.  
But especially this uncertainty made her worry. 'At some point' could be hours, days, weeks, maybe months. The galaxy or what was left of it, was still recovering, licking it's own wounds.  
If you wanted something to be done you had to do it yourself.  
Maeve clenched her teeth and pushed herself with her healthy arm up the ground just a few inches, slowly but steadily.  
The pain exploded instantly and even if she was prepared for it, she couldn't help but cry out. It felt like claws trying to rip out her insides, setting them on fire, starting with her lower body and slowly working their way up to her neck as well as down to her ankles.  
Despite her efforts tears poured out of the corner of her eyes, mixed with the blood spurting from her lips. Together they drew dark circles on her burned armor as they dripped off her chin.  
This simple move already had Shepard groaning and gasping, she felt tired and exhausted and her eyes closed by themselves. Liaras face flickered before her mind's eye and she could have sworn she heard her voice.

_Relax, Shepard._

I'm coming back, I promise.  
Again Maeve tried to get a good grip with her fingers, prepared for another wave of pain. But she couldn't stop fighting, even if her body ached for it.  
It was excruciating, but after minutes that felt like hours she had managed to put herself in a much better position. She had hoped the rod that had impaled her wouldn't have buried itself too deep in the ground below her, so she could eventually wiggle herself free of it, but she was disappointed. It didn't even budge.  
“You have to be kidding me”, Shepard ground, sweat mixed with blood and tears.  
She had found out the hard way one of her arms definitely was broken and no use for her, besides a whole new kind of pain clashing with the one originating from her torso.  
She didn't have a choice, all her effort was useless in the end and she lowered her body back on the cold blood painted stone. The rod was buried to deep in the ground and towered to high above her, so her only way to break free was to shoot herself. To burn and destroy her own skin that kept her trapped to the debris and pray to the goddess to not die in the process.

_Shepard, hang on._

Again she could have sworn to hear the Asaris voice inside her head and this time feelings flooded her mind that weren't her own.  
Worries, that didn't belong to her and agony originating from wounds she didn't carry. It was confusing and frightening and in some way calming at the same time, giving her strength for what she was about to do.  
Maeve took a deep breath, her hand lingered on her gun, snapping the Incendiary ammo in place, placed in on the remaining armor and skin still separating her from freedom and pulled the trigger.  
The shot rang much louder in her head than she had expected, it echoed from the ruins of the Citadel Tower around her, but couldn't compare to her own cry of pain.  
It turned into a whine, desperate gasping and a whimper as she rolled over on her right side, finally free from her prison but not free from agony.  
The brutal Incendiary ammo, she had used to burn Reaper forces and Cerberus troops alike alive, had burned a gaping hole in her flesh, destroyed skin and muscles that had her trapped to the rod.  
Hot blood streamed out of the newly inflicted wound, spurted out of her body like boiling water. Desperately she tried to stop it by pressing her shaking fingers on black and burned skin, her flickering Omnitool applying the remaining Medigel she still had left, but besides recovering some of the burn it didn't have much effect.  
A dull throbbing in her head made it hard to think straight and before Shepard could even try to regain her composure, her surroundings withered in a white lightning.

_Embrace Eternity._

The white lighting faded and Liara could see Ashleys face again, which had turned pale after the Asari had let her witness what she had seen. Shepard, on the brink of death and hurt badly but still breathing. Shepard, who had hurt herself to escape and keep going, just to black out from the overwhelming pain.  
Unconscious, very close to the edge, but still alive.  
“Are you sure?”, Ashley gasped, her hand massaging her temple, even if she shouldn't feel any aftermath of the connection. Not like Liara herself who felt like her head was about to explode and had to use all of her strength to keep her eyes open.  
Her hands clenched her cover that Dr. Chakwas had wrapped tightly around her, after treating her wound as best as she could with the supplies available and had scolded her, to never do that again. She only wanted what was best for her, Liara knew that, but no one could comprehend what she was going through right now.  
In addition the worry, not to make it, grew in her stomach, like it never had before. Her wound was treated, but she had lost a lot of blood. They were running short on supplies, the war had cost them a lot and with the mass relays destroyed and the Normandy far gone from council space and civilisation in general, it would be hard to restock. Everyone knew.  
“This is not a Vision, lieutenant”, Liara tried to explain to her, “This is Shepard, right now. In this moment.”  
“Doctor, no offense, but ..” Liaras heart sank instantly. “But I believe that's just your fever talking, maybe you should rest.”  
The Asari had feared that Ashley wouldn't believe her, that it would be hard for her to process the pictures. They all had lost Shepard once, had been sure she was gone forever, had grieved and said their goodbyes, only for her to return to them two years later. Now the situation was the same, but different at the same time and she could understand if others refused to get their hopes up, only to be disappointed in the end. No Cerberus would be able to revive the Commander again once they had lost her for good.  
But Liara needed her, needed Ashley to do this. The Asari had good connections to the Alliance due to her partnership with Shepard, but would they listen to a sick and weak Asari desperate to get her bondmate back? Would they listen to her if she told them she needed their remaining forces to return to the Citadel and get Shepard out of there, cause she had seen her in her mind?  
Liara had thought about using her own spies she had deployed all over the galaxy, but her network had collapsed when the mass relays were destroyed and she couldn't tell how long it would take her to build it back up.  
But Ashley was a Spectre, the Alliance, Admiral Hackett, they all would listen to her, she was sure of it. There still had to be fleets near council space to assist them. Fleets that didn't jump several lightyears in panic when everything went to hell. For others it could take forever to get back with the situation as it was.

“How are you supposed to see what Shepard is seeing?”  
Liara let out an angry snort.  
“You wouldn't understand.” Her voice was dripping with anger. “It's part of the joining. Maeve and .. Shepard and I have joined in a special way, notthe same way that I used to share those pictures with you. We have become .. one.”  
The Asari yearned for her Commander. Her touch, her lips on her own, her gentle words. Her laugh and how she could read what she wanted to say in her mind before she able to say it. How memories and feelings intertwined and they could feel each others heartbeat like it was their own. Two complex individuals couldn't be told apart from each other anymore and this experience couldn't be compared with any other. She didn't want anyone in this world to see her that way, see that side of her, besides Shepard.  
Liaras eyes flooded with tears when she thought about it, even if she was doing her best to hide them.  
“We are still one”, she whispered in pain that was pounding against her mind again.  
She was dying, slowly. Because of her wounds or her broken heart, she couldn't tell. It sounded very dramatic, but it was actually true for Asari. When they joined with their partner, they both from now on carried a part of each other with them at all times that kept them connected. Now this part of Shepard slipped her, was ripped away and it felt empty .. and wrong. Some Asari could deal with this loss better than others, as they usually outlive their partners, but others knew, it would literally killed them and preferred to mate with their own species, to minimize the risk of ending up alone.  
“Ashley, please”, Liara pleaded, her head sank back into the pillows, as it was too exhausting for her to keep herself in an upright position. Everything suddenly .. was so heavy.  
The Spectre hesitated for a second, watched the Asari quietly who wasn't quiet herself anymore. So strong and reserved at all times, but now pleading for help, not able to save her Commander herself.  
Liara couldn't tell how much time had passed, when the Spectre finally raised her arm and opened the alliances communication channel on her Omnitool.  
“This is Spectre Ashley Williams”, she said with a steady voice, “Is anyone on this frequency? Commander Shepard is still alive. I repeat, Commander Shepard is still alive, we need- “

_“Help ..”_


	3. Chapter 3

“Help ..”, Maeve groaned in her Omnitool and tried to find a frequency where someone could actually hear her. Not that she had much hope, but she had to at least consider all the options available to her.  
But all that answered her was static. And more static. Sometimes crackling, but mostly static. Frustrated she let her head roll back to the wall behind her, her Omnitool flickering and then dying on her.  
Despite her body being weak, her survival instinct had kicked in and shaken her awake from her unconsciousness. She couldn't tell how long she had been gone. Time was just a mere construct right here and now, nothing she could actually rely on.  
Much worse was that she couldn't feel anything from her hips downwards. Not her legs, not her feet and even the pain spreading from her wound was just a dull throbbing now. And with her left arm broken and limp as it was, it had been a pretty big challenge to move herself to a seating position. It was pointless, but it made her feel somewhat more comfortable.  
Shepard even tried to flip open a map on her Omnitool, to make out her exact position, but she assumed with all the Citadels sensors being fried the technology couldn't get a grip on it. Which didn't exactly made it easier for her.  
Tiredly the Commander closed her eyes. She was getting weaker, she could feel it. No matter how much she tried to assure herself she could make it, that she would escape this place and rejoin her friends, rejoin Liara, an evil voice inside her head told her otherwise - with time passing she started to listen to it. Believe it.  
She didn't want to hear it, but blocking it out got harder and harder.

  
“I'm sorry, Liara”, she managed to say into the void, still talking to someone who wasn't there. Her voice sounded weird and not like her own.  
She wished that she would at least be able to communicate with her one last time. No matter how teary this conversation would turn out to be and how hard it would be for both of them to accept that this was actually the end of them, it was still much better than having to go without saying goodbye.  
It was one of Shepards biggest fears, even if she didn't want to admit it. Dying alone. With an life unfinished, with so much she still had left to do, with so much going unsaid.

_“Would you stop for a second? We're jumping several lightyears, there's time to talk.”_   
_“About what?”_   
_“About us!”_   
_“Maeve, listen, I'm glad you're here ..”_   
_“You worried there might be terminals you need me to hack?”_   
_“That's not fair! You were dead!”_   
_“I got better.”_   
_“It's not that easy! You can't just come back and have two years of mourning suddenly vanish! I'm sorry, Shepard, I can't get into this.”_

When the Normandy had been destroyed she had faced the same fear. Floating in empty space, the air getting thinner, her lungs collapsing. But with her brain slowly frying itself she didn't have the luxury of time to give these things much thought. Unlike now.  
She had died and Liara had crossed the whole galaxy for just a slim chance to bring her back. She wasn't just her lover and her soulmate, but she owed her her life as well. Simply dying now would feel like an insult to her and her efforts.  
Her passion.  
Her love.

  
Maeve clenched her teeth and forced herself to open her eyes again. Her brain immediately punished that decision by blinding her vision with bright dancing dots. She had to to make contact with someone, anyone, no matter the cost.  
Her Omnitool reacted to her voice, even if not immediately. It cost the VI quite some time and energy to recognize and obey her.  
She repeated the same rotation of channels she had been reaching out for for the past .. time. Normandy, Alliance Command, Migrant Fleet, Destiny Ascension.  
“This is Commander Shepard, is anyone on this frequency? I'm still at the Citadel, I need an extraction.”  
Familiar crackling and static greeted her. All her private channels couldn't connect to anyone as well.  
Turian fleet, STG, Geth fleet.

  
Crushing silence was her answer.

  
Weakly she brushed some dry blood off the corner of her mouth. It wasn't like no one could receive her messages, but more that she couldn't even get them out. Her Omnitool didn't connect.  
Shepards hope and nerves with slim, but she was still determined. If she had to drag her broken body out of this rubble herself, so be it.  
She had barely finished the thought when suddenly pain unlike any she had ever felt before ripped her open from the inside. Like her stomach was digesting itself, her lungs fluttered, her heartbeat suddenly unregular as she had suffered an electric shock. Shepard desperately gasped for air like a fish, her eyes nearly rolling out of their sockets.  
The strain was unbearable. Frightening. As if she had just lost something her body needed to survive.  
Feelings and memories intertwined, blurred her perception and for a split second she thought she saw the Citadel Tower again in all it's former glory. The trees, the flowers and that smell ..  
Like a movie on playback she watched Liara and herself in the Presidium Commons in that café, as she admitted to want to spend the rest of her life with her. She could see her smile, her eyes sparkling and laughing with her, honest and warm, as she acted like she didn't know how the Commander felt. Acted like she didn't feel the same.

  
Her soul was so bright, so beautiful.

  
The scenery shifted, melted, green turned to brown, blue to black – to ashes. And Shepard was back in reality, the pain gone, her whole body had gone numb. But even when her physical form had been drained, her mind was still under her control, her senses still sharp.  
And she could hear something. Rumbling. Dull and far away, but real for sure. From the other side of where she was trapped. Like someone dug through the Citadel Towers remains.  
The human licked her dry lips, gasped for help, too silent for anyone to hear. But now there was hope blooming in her chest, she was given a chance she shouldn't let go to waste.  
Shepard pushed her worries and tar dark thoughts away, in the far back of her mind where they wouldn't get in her way. They wouldn't be gone, they never were, just imprisoned and able to break free and overwhelm her again on a later date, but for now she would be able to think straight.  
Small explosions could be heard all around her, though she couldn't pinpoint the exact location. Her heart pounded fast against her ribcage, the excitement getting the better of her. There was someone here. According to the voices and the footsteps it had to be a small squad, maybe sent out to scout for survivors.  
Maeve didn't think for much longer. The arm still obeying her felt for her gun, she send out a quiet prayer she still had an ammo clip left, because reloading could get very messy, aimed for the sky and pulled the trigger.  
The shot rang loud in her ears and the Incendiary ammo exploding had the effect of a flare gun, even if it didn't cover quite the same area nor could the light be seen for an extended amount of time. But the noise should do the trick and alarm whoever was here.  
The voices died down instantly. Silence. Unbearable silence.  
“Did you hear that?”, asked a male and husky voice.  
A wave of relief crashed above Shepards head. Spurred she fired another shot, which caused her possible rescuers to move. Though she believed to hear them argue, the sounds indicated they were clearing the rubble separating them.  
And with every stone moved, this unreal situation of hers became less bizarre.  
With every cable torn down, reality caught up with her. During a brief moment of weakness she couldn't decide anymore if this was a good or a bad thing.

Until there she was. Right in front of her, pushing through the opening in this endless mountain of debris bruised fingers and weak and shaking hands had revealed. A flashlight strapped to the tip of an assault rifle danced over the ground. Blue eyes widened, a shaky breath was drawn.

_“Can you hear me out there? I'm trapped, I need help!”_   
_“Dr. T'Soni, I assume?”_   
_“By the goddess! I never thought anyone would come looking for me.”_

“Liara.”  
Shepard didn't trust her own voice, but she knew these words would reach her bondmate, one way or the other. Regularly, when their conscious minds snapped together for some calming seconds like two halves of a whole, they exchanged thoughts and memories and feelings and this now wasn't any different.  
Though much more emotional.

  
“I can't believe it.”

  
The Asaris rifle clattered to the ground as it slipped out of her hands. It was hard for Shepard to tell if her eyes burned with worry, disbelieve or shock.  
Her mind yearned for a deeper connection with her bondmate, even if she knew this wasn't the time. The fear of transmitting all this pain and suffering was buried deep within her, so she denied herself this relief, to spare Liara the agony.  
Liara stumbled frantically towards her and pressed both her hands on her shoulder as she was close enough to reach out for her. Bitterly Shepard had to realize she didn't even feel her touch anymore, everything had went numb, which probably wasn't a good thing.  
Though the Asari being here with her was so important to the sanity of her mind, she couldn't even describe it. She was sure things would take a turn for the better. Hope bloomed in her chest.  
“Shepard, goddess, you're alive!”, Liara breathed out, her face a mask of emotions she wasn't able to read, her delicate hands felt up and down her arm, her neck, gently wiped some crusted blood of her cheek.  
The Commanders lips curled to a smile, tears were burning in her eyes but she didn't allow herself to let them flow. It was like all the stress and all the agony she had to endure was washing off, she felt safe and secure in Liaras care.  
Though the control of her own body slipped her.

 

She was tired.

 

So tired.

  
“I would have been an awful bondmate if I had broken my promise, right?”, she whispered.  
“Jerk, this isn't the time for jokes”, Liara scolded her, but Shepard knew how much this meant to her. The Asari got out her Omnitool to scan her form and took a deep shaking breath at the results on display.  
“We have to get you out of here, quick.”  
She cast a glance back over her shoulder and both of them watched another soldier push himself through the small space Liara had dug for herself. Alliance, young, motivated, breathing heavily, his face covered in dirt and ash.  
His eyes widened when he spotted Shepard and while still laying on his stomach he nearly strained himself to get his Omnitool working and send out a message. A small part of the Commander felt betrayed that it was so easy for him while she had had such a hard time with it and didn't even manage to get results. Though it proved her point that her own device was malfunctioning.  
“Shore party to Extraction team, we have located the Commander. I repeat, we have located the Commander.”  
“She needs medical attention asap, clear this rubble!”, Liara ordered, “I'll get her ready for extraction.”. Shepard admired her for how focused she was despite the situation. She couldn't ask for a better rescuer, a better bondmate.  
“Hang on tight, Commander, we will get you out of here”, the soldier assured her, though didn't even look at Liara or show signs that he had heard her. He shoved himself back out of the tight tunnel, probably to discuss with this squad how to get rid of the debris without hurting the human trapped by it.  
Now that she wasn't fighting for her life anymore and was being cared for, her body shut down the adrenalin production. Throbbing pain paralyzed her and the anxiety not being able to feel most of her limps was too much for her mind to handle.  
“Liara, I think I ..”, she whispered and the Asaris attention snapped back to her Commander. On her knees she moved closer and held on of her hands tightly between her own.  
“Hold on”, she pleaded, the tone of her voice not that composed anymore, “You have made it so far. You have saved us all, Maeve, the war is won. You can't give up now.”  
“I just need to ..”  
Usually these soothing words would enough to keep her going, to follow her to the end of the world.

But not this time.

The Commanders eyes fell shut and the last thing she saw was Liaras expression that had shifted to horror. Her wish had been granted. She had been able to see, to speak to her bondmate one last time. She wasn't along during her final moments.  
This did make passing away somewhat more comfortable.  
And she accepted it. Embraced it.  
Liara would understand. They both had tried their best, they both had spend years together that had meant to much to both of them.  
“.. rest for a minute.”  
Everything faded to black, her mind refused to continue to obey her and even the slight nudge of Liaras consciousness, politely asking for entrance, to relief her off the pain, wasn't being processed anymore.  
Soft lips on her own escorted her to the land of shadows as her whole world fell silent.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The way the text is formatted is starting to become kinda important and paying attention might give a hint where all of this is headed.

Lost in thoughts Tali'Zorah vas Normandy watched the stars through the broad windows of the ships observation lounge. They brought her back to days long gone. Underneath her mask her lips were forming letters, words, connecting to a sentence she repeated over and over.  
A code, a key, a passcode. One she had chosen together with the Captain of the Neema. She would use it to identify herself and be welcomed back to ship. That she wouldn't need it any longer, since her people started to settle on Rannoch, made her sentimental. It wasn't important anymore, useless for anyone who might picked it up. But reciting it had an oddly calming effect, something familiar to think about, reminded her of how things used to be. Structured. Just right.

  
All the noise on the bridge had made her nervous, so she had decided to come down here. No one used this room anymore, she couldn't tell why.  
On the Migrant Fleet the madding crowd had been a sign for life, that everything was fine. Tali would have never put much thought into it. But since she was here on the Normandy she knew that human culture was different.  
The crew was disoriented, without structure, confused even, bumping into each other and getting into unnecessary fights while desperately trying to get the ship moving again. The situation was tense.  
Tali couldn't blame them. She was dead. Gone. And things would never get back to how they were before. Too much had happened.  
Just thinking about it caused tears to flood her eyes and she was thankful for her mask, a cover, a place to hide her face and emotions. Even other Quarians sometimes couldn't tell their counterparts expression when he or she was very serious about hiding it.  
She would be safe like that, could drown in her own sadness for a while until she had to come back for air.

  
“They will find her.”  
A deep voice startled her and she turned her head to watch Garrus accompany her by the window, his shoulder nearly touching hers.  
“Your optimism is remarkable, Vakarian”, Tali commented on this statement.  
For quite some time they both watched the stars without saying a word. A small part of her enjoyed his company after all.  
“Well, Shepard taught me that.” Weakly his face was mimicking a hopeful expression. “Among other things. You remember the time on the old Normandy?”  
“How could I forget the good old times?”  
She would always be thankful for Shepard being patient, listening to her with honest interest and eventually assisting her with her pilgrimage, slipping her a copy of classified and important data about the Geth, before transmitting them to the Alliance. With her help she had been able to finish her pilgrimage successfully.  
The Commander had done so much for her, for everyone. But until the very end there was one person she had always paid the most attention to, put in the most effort.

  
“It's not just about Shepard.” It was simply an observation made by Turian, not a question, but Tali still felt the need to answer it.  
“No, I ..” Tali breathed in sharply, carefully weighting the words on her tongue, “It's about Liara. I can't stop thinking about her.”  
“Me neither”, Garrus admitted, his voice more husky than ever, nervously avoiding to look the Quarian in the eye.  
“I really wished for them to be happy together”; Tali confessed, tensely raising her shoulders until they strained.  
“You think we could have done more, Garrus?”  
“For Shepard? For them both? Maybe. But don't beat yourself up about it”, the Turian tried to calm her and reached out for her, gently caressing her shoulder.  
Like that they lingered, shielding themselves from noise and nervousness and everyone else on this ship and just drowned in the silence this slice of time offered.  
Their thoughts were with Shepard and Liara. Circulated around the lovers like planets their systems sun. The fall of everything they were and everything they had was hard for both of them to handle.  
Garrus finally shattered the silence.

  
“It's not your fault.”

  
He really meant it, but Tali knew he was wrong. Being part of this crew meant being responsible for one another, all her years on the Migrant Fleet had burned this in the back of her head. Trust, acceptance and a duty to assist the people around you. Everyone had to act as one, as a unit, to survive. No one was allowed to be forgotten, left out.  
Like the Geth did. They had realized the advantages of sticking together. It made them smarter, more aware of their surroundings, safer.  
The Normandys crew should have followed their example, Shepards closest friends and herself included.  
“Just doesn't feel much like victory.”  
All of theses deaths could have been avoided or so Tali told herself. Or maybe it was foolish to shove the blame around for what may have been unavoidable, but she couldn't help herself but think about the lost.  
Kaidan Alenko.  
Thane Krios.  
Mordin Solus.  
Legion.  
EDI.  
Tali clenched her fists, only to relax them a second after. They all had sacrificed themselves for the cause, to serve the Alliance, the galaxy, for redemption or a greater good.  
“We all knew this could be a one way trip, Tali.”  
They had sacrificed themselves for Shepard, cause they knew their deaths wouldn't be in vain, never forgotten, that she knew what she was doing and would lead them all to victory eventually.  
“I know.”  
The Commander had done everything they would have asked and more. If they were still be alive they would be so proud. Proud of what this brave woman had achieved.  
But still she would have loved for a slim chance to achieve the same goals without having to stick their names to this memory wall.  
Again Tali was reciting her verse, her code, her key. Repeated it until it started to sound like a song in her head and she was sure this ever repeating cycle of words and rhythm would keep her from bursting into tears.  
“My body travels to distant stars, but my soul never leaves the fleet. My body travels to distant stars, but my soul never leaves the fleet. My body travels to distant stars, but my soul never leaves the fleet. My body travels to distant stars, but my soul never leaves ...”  
Tears were streaming down her face.

 

_Bullets scourged right above Shepards head and while she managed to dodge behind cover right in time, others weren't that lucky. They pierced the chest of a civilian not fast enough to get away and his body crashed into a puddle of mud, soon swimming in his own blood. There wasn't even time for him to cry out in pain, he was instantly dead._  
_The soldiers breath quickened and she raised her chin to look up at the sky. The rain was pouring, streaming down her face, covering the battlefield, making it harder for enemies as well as allies to maneuver._  
_The Infiltrator reloaded her gun, getting the barrel back in position, frantically signaling another group of scared civilians behind the barricade to move. “Go, I'll cover you!”, she shouted, hoped to drown the rattling gun fire of assault rifles. Her muscles were screaming with pain, with every second it became more painful to hold on and to hold her position._  
_This was it. This was the last stand. In the heat of battle her head desperately pushed the thought of death and loss away from her, to keep her focused and concentrated, but she couldn't help but feel it pounding in the back of her mind. She could keep this feelings sealed for some time, but it wouldn't stop them but overwhelm her later._

 

_Maybe even break her._

  
_Her whole squad was dead, the batarians had hit this colony by surprise, neither civilians nor Alliance soldiers here on shore leave were prepared for the massacre. The slavers had been ruthless, cutting down everyone in their way. Shepard had fallen back with her squad to the far end of the colony, guarding a secure path through the mines for non military forces to retreat. The backup she had requested wouldn't be here for quite some time, so she didn't have another chance._  
_She had to hold the line and give as many people as possible a chance to escape._

  
_Even if it would cost her her life._

  
_A mother pulled her daughter on her hand with her, loving but stern a the same time and Shepards attention turned back to the scope of her sniper rifle, ignoring as another of her fellow companions fell as he poked his head out of cover and immediately his brains splattered all over his shoulders._  
_Her shaky hand had a hard time to keep the gun steady, her crosshair dance between targets instead of finding them, but she couldn't give up now. All the noise was distracting, there were way to many targets, some behind cover, some trying to storm her fort. She popped their heads, not with the usual one, but after two or three shots at least and one after another dropped dead. Until she started to miss and her sweaty palms nearly lost the grip on her rifle._  
_She had to stay focused, she had to stay strong. But the Batarians were closing in and fear overwhelmed the usually fearless lieutenant._  
_Her memories caught up with her, memories of a crowded inside of a ship, of foreign noises, foreign howling, foreign smells and foreign fears._  
_Gunfire. Fighting. And suddenly that burning pain._  
_Her eyesight blurred, clouded._  
_Her scope steamed up._  
_Her gun didn't shoot._  
_And Shepard knew; She would die right here and right now._

Maeve, you won't.

You know you didn't.                                         Let me help you.                                                Let me show you.                                                          Let me ease your pain.

                               You're not alone in this fight.

                                                                                                                            **Hang on.**

A nudge at the back of her mind. A warm embrace, like waves reaching the shore, carefully pulling away, but leaving bits and pieces of joined emotions and memories. She reached out to hold them tight, hold them close.

To welcome them.

But the water would always escape her grasp.

_Carefully Shepard climbed up the stairs of the old Normandy._  
_By now she was sure to be dead, otherwise this state of her mind couldn't be explained. The gaping wound on her hip was gone, her body no longer numb, her fingers and hands back in her control._  
_It was like actually being back on her first own ship and realizing at the same time that she wasn't. It felt wrong, she didn't belong, but for her younger self this was everything. So she might as well let herself get swept up by the storm._

  
_The door still separating her from her destination opened and she shivered by the sight unfolding before her. Her ship, destroyed in a Collector attack years ago, back in it's former glory. The lights, the atmosphere, the silent stuttering sound of the drive core that hadn't been as well developed as the one of the SR2. Pale images of long gone Crew members passed her, forever stuck in an endless cycle, this memory of hers._  
_Lost in thoughts Maeves lips curled to a smile. The nostalgia was overwhelming._  
_Immediately the Commander was drawn to the Galaxy map and the soothing light it was emitting and she would be lying if she said she was surprised to spot her younger self already busy with it._  
_She watched Maeve Shepards fingers darting across the interface, this tiny digital copy of the Milky Way, zooming in on Clusters and Systems, before going back and repeating the procedure._  
_The invisible visitor noticed her forehead wrinkling and how her lips turned into a thin line, clearly lost in thoughts._  
_She remembered this moment. She actually remembered it pretty well._  
_This Spectre in front of her had just gone rogue and stolen the Normandy right from underneath the Councils nose, to escape the Citadel and chase after Saren and the Geth and to finally end this madness._  
_To Ilos._  
_The atmosphere was thick, tense._  
_Maeve stepped close to take a better look, but her past self had just made her decision and confirmed the ships destination. Clearly content with herself she watched the red line connect their current location with one system and mass relay after the next, until the ships VI announced:_  
_“Destination confirmed. Estimated time of arrival in three hours.”_  
_“Maybe you should get some shuteye, Commander”; Joker suggested over the comm and both Shepards listened to his voice, “I will inform you once we reach the Mu-relay,”_  
_“Thank you, Joker.”_  
_She turned her back on the Galaxy map and followed the path down the stairs her older self had just walked who hastily followed her. Her heart pounded hart and fast against her ribcage, like it was about to burst. Maeve remembered this day not only pretty well because of what they had accomplished on Ilos, because of her struggle with the Council and this mindless chase after the former spectre._  
_She remembered how scared and doubtful she had been, but had refused to share this thoughts with anyone, let anyone see her like that._

_Besides one._

_The Commander had just disappeared in her quarters and the traveler took too much time thinking about following her. Now the seal on the door clearly suggested it to be locked. But Shepard knew, she only had to wait and it wouldn't be long for that to change._  
_She was right. Not soon after a slim form left the Medbay, crossed the habitation deck, a noticeable bounce in her walk, though her head turned downwards and hesitantly targeted the Captains Quarters._  
_Maeves heart clenched. These were good memories she would always hold dear. The following hours were the most important she had ever experienced in her entire life. To experience it again, so real, so close, was an honor, but at the same time this fear crept up her spine. Was this an endless cycle? Did she have to witness this moment again and again, while only being able to be the spectator?_  
_Never being able to kiss Liara again herself._  
_Never being able to touch her again herself._  
_Never being able to cause her to gasp and mewl in pleasure herself._  
_Because if this was the case she would rather prefer diving into the emptiness of the void and embrace death._

Have faith, Maeve.

_The Commander closed the distance to the younger Liara, who was hesitant to use the codes her lover had given her herself, so that she was able to enter her quarters whenever she liked._  
_The Asari drew a shaky breath and the glowing red panel turned green. She slipped inside, the invisible copy of Shepard right behind her, before the door closed them in._  
_“Shepard? Commander.”_  
_Liaras small voice sounded big and loud in the room that was nearly empty. Only a bed, a barely used desk and couch were part of the inventory. Maeve watched herself studying documents and pictures projected on the wall by her datapad, only to make them disappear when the Asari demanded her attention. She stopped her relentless pacing._  
_“May I speak with you?”_  
_The atmosphere was tense, so thick Shepard could nearly feel it with her bare hands._  
_“You're so formal with me, Liara”, the Commander commented amused, her lips curling to a smile._  
_“We're not on duty, you can talk freely.”_  
_“I apologize, Maeve, I still .. have a hard time getting used to it.”_  
_A blush crept up the Asaris cheeks._  
_Shepard remembered that while their relationship progressed and grew closer how she struggled to distinguish between business and private life. On missions she tried her hardest to solely be the Commander and nothing else, as the weight of responsibility was so heavy on her shoulders and she shouldn't make emotional decisions. It didn't work out though. She probably hadn't been a very good Commander or Spectre after all._  
_For Liara who was without military experience this concept had sometimes been hard to grasp, even though she did try her best to adapt and respect her wishes._  
_These days she just didn't care._

Jerk.

_“I was just thinking about you”, Shepard admitted and closed the distance between them, reaching out and gently lacing their fingers together._  
_“I was just thinking about you too”, Liara answered, smiled weakly and caressed the Commanders scarred hands lovingly, “And what we are about to face.”_  
_“Tell me what's bothering you.”_  
_Maeve wrapped an arm around the Asaris hips and moved their bodies closer together, caused the invisible observers throat to dry out._  
_“I don't know what will happen on Ilos”, Liara started her train of thoughts and buried her face into Shepards neck, arms around her hips, fueled with self doubt and not able to look her in the eyes._  
_“I hope we will stop Saren, of course, but part of me fears we are already too late.”_  
_Comfortingly Shepard moved her hand up and down the Asaris back, silent, listening carefully,_  
_Back then she didn't want to admit that she had been the one being scared of what was to come. She hadn't been that tense and restless since Elysium, but Liaras simple presence, her scent, her touch, made her feel better. More relaxed._  
_Reminded of what she would lose if she failed._  
_Reminded of what she was fighting for._

  
_“We will make it, don't worry”, Maeve tried to assure her._  
_“Please”, the Asari whispered, “I'm not looking for comfort.” She lifted her head and their foreheads met, their lips closer than they ever had before, lingering, longing._  
_“These could be our last moments together.” Liara seemed to have lost her focus, it took her quite some time to form words, sentences._  
_“Our last chance to .. show each other how we feel. What I .. feel.”_  
_She caught her lost breath, held it for a split second as Shepard planted a kiss on the corner of her lips, though still not quite what they both ached for. She knew, this gentle side of the Commander was reserved for her and for her only and it made her proud._

It's an honor.

_“I want this, Liara”; Maeve admitted, “I really do. But are you sure you're ready?”_  
_It had been Liaras first time being that intimate with anyone and she had already shared before that Asari melding was the lifeblood of their species and not something they did casually. They had to choose their partners carefully, as everything the Asari was, is and would be was unfolded and deep personal memories and feelings revealed in the process._  
_Liara chose Maeve to experience it with her back then. And these feelings had never changed. Until this day every single meld they had ever performed together the Commander would always hold dear._  
_“I have never been so sure of anything in my life”, Liara chuckled and cupped her lovers cheek, “Will you join with me, Maeve? Let our bodies and minds unit.”_  
_“I thought you would never ask”, she breathed longingly and eager the Asari caught her lips in the kiss they both had yearned for. They were burning with passion, held back these feelings for far too long, both too scared to act on what they truly felt for one another. But now that they had to face the eye of the hurricane together the fear to die full of regret was too great for them both to deny it and themselves any longer._

It wasn't out of need, it was real. It still is. Never think otherwise.

_Shepard caressed the Asaris folds who couldn't help but moan in the kiss as her own fingers felt for the Commanders abdomen underneath her uniform, to feel bare skin, more of her._  
_Suddenly future Maeve who was only able to watch with a frantically beating heart and a painful longing felt very creepy. Was she really forced to watch herself make love to Liara? From this perspective of an outsider? As someone seemingly not involved? Without being able to feel, without being able to .._  
_Slowly their forms moved towards the bed, couldn't stop touching each other, until the back of Liaras legs hit the bed and they nearly toppled. Eventually they had to come up for air._  
_“Please”, the Asari gasped, her eyes already darkened, her cheeks flushed, holding onto her Commanders bare hips tightly, who was fumbling with the zipper of her lovers lab coat in return,“Would you .. let me in?”_  
_“Tell me what to do.”_  
_Liara smiled coyly, she leaned forward and just before she claimed Maeves lips both Commanders could hear her breathe:_

**Embrace Eternity**


End file.
